How UTM Breaks the Fatherless Cycle-Part 2 (Equipping)

February 8, 2019 /  Joel Shaffer  /  Make A Comment  /  Blog, Uncategorized

I admit it. Listening to Tupac was one way that God opened my eyes to the pain of those who were fatherless. In the early years of our ministry, I compiled the research. I knew what % of youth in our inner-city neighborhood were poor, what % were growing up in a single parent home, and even more specifically I knew how many of the students that attended our programs had no father-figure present in their lives. For our ministry to obtain grant money to run our programs, it was my job to know all these statistics. But early on, the brokenness of my students living without a father hadn’t really gripped my inner-being, despite so many fatherless kids that were part of the daily rhythm of our lives. From the get-go, Sherilyn and I intentionally opened our home and many neighborhood kids would come over and eat dinner with us, or seek some homework help, and even ask to walk our dog. For several years, Sherilyn even provided after school daycare for three kids in our neighborhood so that their single mom could work full-time at the hospital. But it wasn’t until a few years after Tupac died and I kept hearing how real his music was to my student’s experiences in life that I decided to give him a listen. One of the first songs I ever heard was Papa’z Song. The first verse shook me.

“Had to play catch by myself, what a sorry sight
A pitiful plight, so I pray for a starry night
Please send me a pops before puberty
The things I wouldn’t do to see a piece of family unity
Moms always work, I barely see her
I’m startin’ to get worried without a pops I’ll grow to be her
It’s a wonder they don’t understand kids today
So when I pray, I pray I’ll never grow to be that way
And I hope that he answers me
I heard God don’t like ugly well take a look at my family
A different father every weekend
Before we get to meet him they break up before the week ends
I’m gettin’ sick of all the friendships
As soon as we kick it he done split and the whole s*** ends quick
How can I be a man if there’s no role model?
Strivin’ to save my soul I stay cold drinkin’ a forty bottle
I’m so sorry….”

The fatherless story that Tupac communicated was the same story for a large majority of our students who were experiencing the brokenness, pain, and hopelessness of a boy growing up without a father. The more time I took to listen to the stories of my students, the more I gained a deeper and empathetic perspective to what they were missing growing up without a dad. It was also around this time that I became a father myself. As we raised our own children (Tiera, Jalen, Ashlyn, Sahara), the UTM students who regularly frequented our home spent time with them, viewing our kids as their little brother or sisters or cousins. For many years we shared our family’s life with certain students and they shared their lives with our family, and we gradually became extended family to each other. Sherilyn and I did not replace their Mothers or their Fathers (nor did we have any desire to do so), rather we modeled a healthy family relationship in which we invited them to take part. Some of our students from those early years who are now adults refer to Sherilyn and me as their second Mom and Dad. A few have taught their kids to call us Grandma and Grandpa.

Even with our emphasis on discipling them in Christ through life-on-life relationships and many times stepping into a father-role for them, for some it wasn’t enough. The overwhelming majority of UTM students grew up in impoverished homes, without stable housing and without a father. They attended substandard schools that were labeled “drop-out factories,” and frequently faced racial profiling. Moreover, certain UTM students had previously been part of gangs, had chased fast money and easy sex, along with other negativities from the streets until they met Christ. All of this led to many social and economic gaps, compounded by insurmountable trauma that a good number of UTM students encountered. Therefore UTM needed to be intentionally equipping them. For UTM, Equipping means helping urban youth and young adults obtain spiritual, emotional, relational, educational, and economic tools so that they can flourish in every area of their lives.

The ManUP program is a prime example of how UTM equips those whom they disciple. Several years ago, UTM developed the ManUP program as a two year residential discipleship and leadership program for urban young men that challenges and teaches them to become loving and responsible fathers and to develop into Christian leaders in their neighborhoods. It is holistic, teaching basic life-skills in conjunction with developing the spiritual, emotional, relational, and financial dimensions of each resident’s life. Each resident is paired with an experienced Christian individual for mentoring, accountability and discipleship. However, the underlying key to the success of the ManUP program is community. Through one-to-one mentoring, small group class settings, and peer-to-peer accountability, ManUP residents learn how to cultivate a vibrant relationship with Christ, manage their finances, set attainable goals, secure living-wage employment, develop healthy relationships, and establish positive parenting skills. Furthermore, habit-forming life skills such as cooking, hygiene, and cleaning are reinforced along with the teaching of more advanced life skills such as car and home repair projects along with enrolling in a college, buying a home, and starting a business that forms a lifestyle which creates self-sufficiency rather than one that creates dependency. As ManUP grad and Hip-Hop artist Percy Hammons once expressed, The ManUP house “helped him form a structure” in his life that continues until this day. Consequently, the ManUP graduates have already made a significant difference in urban Grand Rapids neighborhoods, including providing living-wage employment for felons/drug-dealers that desire to change their lives, helping run urban youth programs, and mentoring and coaching inner-city youth.

For UTM, equipping urban young adults so that they can flourish in every area of their lives is one of the essential components towards breaking the fatherless cycle. Furthermore, it is our hope for the future that this type of equipping can be implemented among everyone who participates in UTM programs and life-on-life relationships, not only in young urban adult men.